Women We Get To Choose Our Men—The Outcome Of When A Sophisticated Woman Dates A ‘Real N—-A’ Vs. A ‘Real Man’

Okay, so I know a lot of men, especially the ones that have a loyalty to the streets are already skeptical about the title, but before you judge the title, read the story and first-hand experience all the way through before you dismiss this article. This article is not bashing either or, just stating an experience that I am choosing to share based off of the picture (seen on the left) that I seen on social media, and it just hit home to me. Those who personally know me know that I not too long ago got out of a serious 2-year (just a few months shy of 2 years) relationship. Although the relationship was good and neither one of us can say anything negative about it what-so-ever, we were just totally two different people trying to make a “fairy-tale” last. This is why I can relate to the photo and relationship scenario of Ciara with Future (past) to now her relationship with the one that is truly destined for her, Russell Wilson.

Future no doubtfully is an attractive man and him and Ciara looked good together and had fun together, which was similar to my previous relationship. People loved us together, we looked great together. had fun each other, offered each other great business advice for our careers, and he too is an attractive man. But these things are not the foundation for a successful, long-lasting relationship that will lead to an even more successful marriage.  With this the same type of mindset as to be there too. Yes, we had similar outlooks on how we would want to live, where we would want to live, how to raise future children, etc., but the our mindset within the culture that we were brought up in is completely different, and that my friends is why things would realistically never last and had to end before a more distraught heartbreak would be in affect, but Thank God for answering prayers and releasing me from that relationship in a peaceful manner to where I was at peace, but back to the mindset thing.

His mindset was that he had  a loyalty to the streets and always will. His closet friends (or as he called them his “n—-as” “homies”) are apart of that street life, and as a result most of the woman, including his son’s mother, had that same street mentality. Now he would say that, “There aggressive and he likes aggressive woman” and in his mind, if you were not that type of woman, he chose not to see you as a woman because he was used to a certain type of aggressive. Now to a beautiful, successful, and goal oriented woman, that right there is a low blow, but men like that have to know when they are in the wrong, but I know that he probably really didn’t know how to explain it, which I cannot fault him for, BUT just because a woman is not from the streets or doesn’t have that “street mentality” or”hood” mentality (and no this does not apply to the ratchets, they are in a whole different category) doesn’t make her any less of a woman, she is just a type of woman that you are not used to, but don’t try to downplay her by calling a “girl” because she doesn’t match something that you’re not used too.

Now for those of us that our beautiful, intelligent, career oriented women, we too are also aggressive, but in different terms. We made it to a certain point in our lives but not being afraid to tackle that big goal and to step out of our comfort zones. In my opinion, we are possess a far grater power than those “street women” who are scared to come out of their comfort zone.

Other than the different mindsets, these men that cater to the streets are by no far bad men. I was treated with the utmost respect at all times within the relationship, all throughout the relationship he bragged about me and about how I was making him a better man, and if he truly believed that, then it makes me proud to say that my presence was definitely highly appreciated in the relationship and for that we will both always have that underlying love for each other, so I have no regrets in loving/falling in love with him because I know that I had to experience something with him to get to that man that I am supposed to be with. It showed me that, “Wait, he may be cute and all, but this relationship isn’t for me. It isn’t me. I’m not who I am supposed to be in the relationship and my best is not fully emerging within it.”

So to the ladies that are going through or have went through this, but are feeling crushed because you feel like you invested so much time into the wrong man, don’t feel any regrets. Use this as a learning experience, and if you haven’t found your Mr. Right, stay patient he is out there and you may already be talking to him. Just be open to getting to know him more and first building a friendship. Relationships that are based off a great friendship are the ones that last, and turn  into you marrying your best friend. That is how it is supposed to be.

DISCLAIMER: There are that small percentage of men who do come from the streets and make another life for themselves. They handle themselves as business man and start going after different type of women, so they would be considered that “Real Man” because their mindset is different. I have a few friends who are from the streets, but changed their mindset. This term “Real n—-a” only applies to the street men that choose to keep the mindset because it is what they are used to. They are comfortable, and there is nothing wrong with that whatsoever, they just choose to stick with that one type of woman. Even if they get a dose of being with a ‘sophisticated woman’ it may feel right to them in the beginning, but that mindset to them is and will always be there as long as they stick to their comfort zone.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.

(1 Cor 13:4-8)

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Naomi K. Bonman is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University where she holds her Bachelors of Arts in Mass Media Arts with a concentration in Journalism. She also holds her Masters of Public Administration. She is the Founder and CEO of Awakened Media Enterprises, Inc. which owns Purposely Awakened. She has been in the media field since 2006 covering beats that range from social justice, community, entertainment, sports, fashion/beauty, and culture news.

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