Tangled Heart & Mind


Girl, I don’t know what to do?  HELP!!!  I’m dating two guys the first, let’s call him ‘Tim,’ our sexual attraction is ridiculous.  We enjoy each other’s company and I really like him.  But his life outside of ‘us’ is pretty complicated.  The second guy, let’s call him ‘Steve,’ I think he’s cute, sweet and I can tell he’s really into me. But he’s a little more reserved than I would like him to be.  My mind is telling me to invest more time with ‘Steve’ but my heart is pushing me closer to ‘Tim’ and I just don’t know what to do. What’s your take on it?

 Tangled Heart & Mind, (Phoenix, AZ)

Matters of the heart are always difficult, especially when you are dealing with grown people.  Because even though you may ask your girlfriends for advice, half the time you have already made up your mind, regardless of what they say.  Reading your email there are two ways I can look at this and answer.  The first is the fact that you never stated you liked or were remotely interested in ‘Steve’ while you were quick to point out your sexual attraction and even stated that you ‘really liked’ ‘Tim.’  The other view is that you might be so caught up in ‘Tim’ that you could very well be missing all ‘Steve’ has to offer.  Sometimes what you think you want is not at all what you need.

Let’s say you and ‘Tim’ have been intimate (since your ‘sexual attraction is ridiculous’) He already has an advantage over ‘Steve’ because feelings become attached when intimacy is involved.  You probably enjoy the time spent with ‘Tim’ because you don’t have to think about the complexities of his outside life.  ‘Tim’ is creating a temporary escape from his life.  I would bet money, you and ‘Tim’ have sex each time you see each other.  He probably takes you out on occasions, but it’s always on your side of town, whether it’s the movies, restaurants, or anything.  While you are ‘enjoying the time you guys spend together’ maybe that’s his way of making sure you don’t think about his ‘complicated situation’.  Meanwhile ‘Steve’ is showing you genuine interest and trying to get to know you on a different level and you’re not allowing him because your mind is so wrapped up in this ‘relationship’ ‘Tim’ has created.

Just know that it is fine to date but do just that until God reveals the one that He created for you. So, don’t stress over it, honey, LIVE OUT LOUD.  Don’t shut ‘Steve’ out just yet; allow him to show you what he should offer before you decide you’re not interested, he might surprise you.  And if or when ‘Tim decides to make his life less complicated you then can make a better decision.  In whatever you decide please do it without regret.


  • This column is designed to doing just what the title says...Living Out Loud. Moca will discuss and give advice about life and everything that comes along with it. She is an ordinary woman with extraordinary insight. I'm very opinionated and I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Now what you read you may not always agree with and that's fine. Agreeing to disagree is healthy dialogue. What I write is not gospel but it is MOCA, Living Out Loud!!! So, I hope you Laugh, Learn, and Live Out Loud through this column. Do you have a question or concern that you want to address to Moca? If so email her at mocasayz@yahoo.com All inquires will be anonymous.

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