Struggling to Settle

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Moca,

I’m sure you hear all the time how hard it is to find the perfect mate. Hell, you probably experience the same struggle we all do when it comes to dating. I’m very particular about the guys I date. I’m not a gold digger or anything like that but just like most women I have a list of qualities that I look for in a guy. I know what I’m attracted to and what I want. I won’t accept anything less than what I deserve, I won’t settle. Because of this, I fear that I will never find someone. Being alone scares me even more than settling. What should I do?

 Struggling to Settle, (Dayton, OH)

‘Struggling to Settle’ if I don’t know how you feel nobody does. I don’t have a list of qualities per say but I do know ‘what I’m attracted to and what I want.’ Granted it can be hard out here but it is definitely not impossible to find the guy for you. I believe that God gives us the desires of our heart and if being in a relationship and being a helpmate is a desire you have then He will give it to you.

The issue I have is with the word ‘settle.’ We tend to use this word often and in direct relation to finding that perfect mate. Why I agree that you should not accept anything less than what you deserve, settling is different. We all settle at some point, its called comprising.

You see when I was young and new to this thing called life I had a lot of plans for it, I knew exactly how I wanted it to go, who was going with me, and what I would ‘never’ except. Then life happened and what I realized was expect the unexpected, never say never, and many people will go with you but your final destination will determine who will actually stay in the race.

I’m saying this to say, you probably won’t find someone with all the qualities on your list but I’m sure there is a guy with maybe 7 out of 10 or 15 out of 20. At that point the choice is yours. When he comes into your life you have to make the choice to love him or loose him forever. No one is perfect we are all looking for someone to love us flaws and all. Know your worth, get what you deserve and know that settling is not always a bad option. If both of you are willing to be helpmates and not hinder mates, then in reality you aren’t settling at all.

So, my advise to you would be to take hold of your fears and turn them into what fuels your desires. I know you can do it and do it while LIVING OUT LOUD!!!

Nakeisha "Moca" McDaniel
+ posts

This column is designed to doing just what the title says...Living Out Loud. Moca will discuss and give advice about life and everything that comes along with it. She is an ordinary woman with extraordinary insight. I'm very opinionated and I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Now what you read you may not always agree with and that's fine. Agreeing to disagree is healthy dialogue. What I write is not gospel but it is MOCA, Living Out Loud!!! So, I hope you Laugh, Learn, and Live Out Loud through this column. Do you have a question or concern that you want to address to Moca? If so email her at mocasayz@yahoo.com All inquires will be anonymous.

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