Relationship 101: The Fallout—How To Come Back Together And Mend

Okay so we’ve all been there. We all have had the bad relationships that we knew were wrong for us, then we had the great relationships with an incompatible partner, then dun-dun we had that great relationship that was for us where we were very compatible  with our partner. We shared the same outlooks in life with that person, but then things went wrong where we started to question, “Do I really want to be with this person” “Um, I don’t think this person is for me. I no longer want to pursue a relationship with this person,” or we may say “I really love this person, in the beginning this person was my better half. They made me a better person”, and if you go with the latter, you may still at the time that the fallout is still fresh tell yourself that you do not want to be with this person, even though deep deep down inside you know they are right for you, but PRIDE and your ego won’t let you believe that. This where space is REQUIRED!

After a fallout, it is always difficult for bot parties, but is even harder for the one that ignited the fallout and then when the fallout turns out worst then that person excepted it to turn it out, now that person is frustrated, hurt, and angry because they know things could have been handled differently and a lot more smoothly, but they jumped the gun. However, fallouts are often needed for the two people to realize how much they mean to each other. Kings and Queens have to go through this. But to make the fallout to fall back together process successful, a few things must be required.

  1. Space. This is the hardest but both parties must come up with an agreement to stay away from each other without contact for at least a month. Some couples may need a longer period, but for the most part a month is good because after a week of no contact the hurting and anger stage has passed, then in week 2 now both parties can mutually miss each other, and in the last two weeks this when the thinking process starts. After the thinking process, now both minds are clear.
  2. Distraction. Distract yourself as much as possible from contacting the other person. Ladies, this part is mostly for us. Distract yourself by hanging with the girls, talking and hanging out with your TRUE male friends who offer you nothing but friendship, hang out with families, SHOP, cook, get involved in a new hobby, and anything else that you enjoy that doesn’t remind you of him. Also some women may even casually date someone new, just to have fun and to see where her heart truly is.
  3. The positive vs. negative. During weeks 3 and 4, you each should come up with a list of things that you loved about the person and the things that were flaws that you accepted, if the pros outweigh the cons then in most cases your relationship is worth fixing and mending. A long with the pros and cons, also come up with a list of what went wrong in the relationship (from both perspectives) and what both of you except in relationships in general. Discuss these things and if it turns out that both of you really love each other, try to at least give things another shot, BUT just don’t get jump back into things so fast, take things slow and casually date each other again and set your boundaries. For example, set a boundary of no sex, no serious family outings, etc. The boundaries will be different for each couple depending on what they can and cannot handle when trying to mend things.

And lastly, DO NOT go into your “closure” or “meet-up” thinking that you will or will not get back together. Keep your mind open to whatever may happen because a lot of things can happen in a month. In most cases, two people who really love each other can ultimately make certain compromises, depending on how long they’ve been together. If you guys were together for at least a year to a year and half, then this method is for you. Anything that was under a year, just move on and keep that person as a friend. Not saying that relationships under a year are meaningless, but come on if you were only together for 6 months, you don’t have as many memories and the love usually isn’t as strong if it was even there to begin yet. Most couples can be together for 6 months and not even make it to a year. When you make it to that 1 year mark and are almost to that 2 year mark, things are worth fighting for more because more was invested in the relationship (i.e. family gatherings with each other, road trips, looking at places together, etc.). At the end of the day if you guys agreed to meet for any type of closure, then that already proves that the love is still there and never went anywhere. Remember, in most cases love conquers all. Also read the bible verse 1 cor 13: 4-8 and mediate on it.

*based on real-life, personal experience

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Naomi K. Bonman is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University where she holds her Bachelors of Arts in Mass Media Arts with a concentration in Journalism. She also holds her Masters of Public Administration. She is the Founder and CEO of Awakened Media Enterprises, Inc. which owns Purposely Awakened. She has been in the media field since 2006 covering beats that range from social justice, community, entertainment, sports, fashion/beauty, and culture news.

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