I always believed that this was a question that should never be asked or answered, not because I had anything to hide, but I never fully understood what would it would solve. I always looked at it from two point of views with one being if you asked me the number of sexual partners I had and I tell you a number that you feel is too low you may look at me as if I were lying causing another topic to arise of you trusting me. The second being that if the number I told you was too high the thought of infidelity will begin to surface in your mind, and furthermore having you think about our sexual encounters leaving you to think if I was thinking about you, or thinking about somebody else from my past while being intimate.
I believe that it is important to know your partners sexual well being when it comes to knowing if your partner may have encountered any STD’s during their sexual exploits, but knowing the number of people they did or didn’t have sex with will not help you determine that. If they have sex with one person they can still be at a higher risk as that of somebody who slept with 40 people because an STD knows no number. To look at things in a different perspective, how do you judge that a person’s number is too low or too high? Is there a formula to calculate this or is it just a judgement call compared to the number of people you have or haven’t had sex with?
I had a conversation on Facebook with Shana Pyburn who stated that being married and knowing her husband’s sexual past didn’t matter to that of the amount, just as long as he was safe about it and didn’t mind getting tested for her. Now I could understand where she was coming from because it wasn’t the number that mattered to her, it was her husband’s sexual safety as well as hers that mattered. She also went on to say, “If the man understands how you’re feeling and is willing to teach, learn and allow you to explore and learn together then why should the past matter, and be brought into the present where it can only cause issues.“
To me that is a very valid point because in most cases the past should never be mentioned in your present because it may cause unwanted problems for in your future. Also, not to mention do you truly want to know the number of sexual partners your significant other has had over the years rather it be low or high because in the back of your mind you will be thinking about the ones before you, and not only can that cause problems in the bedroom, but in your relationship, neither one you are willing to have or want. So, the next time your partner asks you “Baby how many sex partners have you had including me?” After you give them an answer of that’s not a question that you don’t want to answer they usually come back and say “aww come on baby its ok you can tell me it doesn’t matter how many it was before me I’m here now.” That’s when you simply just look at them and say, “if it doesn’t matter then how come you want to know, but ill tell you this I have had some sexual encounters along the way, but know that i am STD free and you are my only sexual preference I am encountering now.”
Now after you have said that and they still are wanting to know the number then just be prepared to get in a discussion about you not being open with him or her as he or she is with you, and that you don’t trust him or her enough to tell him or her things about your past if he or she is suppose to be your future. Depending on who your partner is you might be in a lose/lose situation. It is up to you to ensure in you partners mind that your past sexual encounters are that of your past, and they have nothing to worry about with their sexual well being.