Passed by Love


Let me get right to the point.  I met this guy, we became good friends and our relationship progressed into an intimate one. After months of this my feelings got very involved and I wanted more from the relationship. I spoke to him about it and he decided that we should remain friends. We stopped being intimate and sort of remain friends, but our relationship never seem the same.  Random calls, text messages, and sighting here and there.  Now, a year later he has started calling regularly and wanting to hang out. What do I do?

 Passed By Love, (Newark, NJ)

Listen.  I don’t know why people think they can have an intimate relationship and NOT develop feelings or eventually want more.  Intimacy ALWAYS comes with feelings, because people are repetitive.  So, the more you hang out and get to know someone physically, mentally, and even spiritually the more you want to be around that person.  And sure enough, after a few months feelings will begin to change. Unless people are just out here having one night stands it’s inevitable.

Now, it sounds like to me that ‘Mr.’ wasn’t ready when you were ready. Sometimes the timing is just not right. If that’s the case, I say give him a chance to show you he’s ready. I would probably allow him to lead because it might have intimidated him a little when you approached him about a relationship the last time. So, just take it day by day. Remember, as much as women like to be in control, it’s designed for men to be the head of the household.  As I say all that, make sure you are completely comfortable with what is taking place.  You never want to be in a situation where you feel forced to talk to, text, or even hang out with someone. Be honest with yourself about how you feel. Write them down, if necessary. The pros and cons of rekindling this flame, and then LIVE OUT LOUD.

Of course, it could also be a case of ‘Mr.’ trying to hold on to what’s familiar. Some guys tend to string females along, especially when they know she has feelings for them. So beware, make sure this is not his hiatus between relationships. You should have learned something from your last relationship with him. As you are taking it ‘day by day’ don’t be blinded by the signs or the lesson learned the last time.  Guys can easily use your feelings for them into making you his ‘best friend’ instead of his ‘girlfriend.’ So, know what you want and make sure he knows. LIVE OUT LOUD.



  • This column is designed to doing just what the title says...Living Out Loud. Moca will discuss and give advice about life and everything that comes along with it. She is an ordinary woman with extraordinary insight. I'm very opinionated and I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Now what you read you may not always agree with and that's fine. Agreeing to disagree is healthy dialogue. What I write is not gospel but it is MOCA, Living Out Loud!!! So, I hope you Laugh, Learn, and Live Out Loud through this column. Do you have a question or concern that you want to address to Moca? If so email her at All inquires will be anonymous.

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