I’m not real sure where to start. Let’s see, I have a son that is 10 years old, his dad and I were never in a relationship. We were really good friends. I got pregnant while I was in a relationship with my now husband. My husband thinks my son is his and he is the only father my son knows. My friend and I agreed that we wouldn’t tell either one the truth as long as he could still be apart of his life. So he’s been known as ‘uncle Tim’. My friend passed away last month and in his will he left my son and I some money that we’re only able to receive if I tell the truth about my son’s father. I’m hurt that he’s gone, shocked and disappointed that he would include a clause like that in his will. Now, I have to make one of the hardest decisions of my life and I don’t know what to do. What should I do?
New York, NY
Whew!!!! PRAY!!!! Are YOU sure you meant to write me? This is heavy, have I already said YOU need to PRAY?!?!?!?!? I think the real question is how much money is worth potentially destroying your family. I don’t know if I would even entertain the will at the risk of shattering the memories my son has with not only his ‘uncle Tim’ but the man he’s called dad all his life. However, I do believe in being honest, letting the chips fall and just making sure you’re there to pick up the pieces. Let me just stop and say again….PRAY!!!!!!!
If you decide to tell, you should definitely have the conversation with your husband first. It probably should be done with a counselor or pastor, because it’s bound to be emotional. I mean I have a ton of questions and I’m not directly involved, I can only imagine the thoughts that will explode in his mind. This will NOT be an easy process and will require PRAYER every step of the way.
Once you and your husband are on the same page, PRAY TOGETHER!!!!!!! If both, of you agree to have the conversation with your son, I suggest a counselor and/or pastor is also present. Be prepared for the outcome. I think it all boils down to how strong, faithful, and open-minded, both your husband and son are to handle the situation. You know them better than me.
This is truly a tough one. PRAY!!!!!! Part of me is saying don’t rock the boat, keep your mouth shut, what they don’t know want hurt, and take it to your grave. Then there’s a part of me that thinks, while it’s a difficult situation it would be much better if it was told and explained by you than either of them randomly finding out from an outside source. The only thing I’m certain of is you need to PRAY!!!!!! PRAY for discernment in making sure you make the right decision for all parties. PRAY for strength to hold your family together. PRAY for patience to endure the journey to rebuild your family. PRAY that His will be done. YOU can’t go wrong as long as you’re letting GOD lead.