Loving Yourself First

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The title alone speaks volumes. Love is just a four-letter word that has always carried a lot of weight. The problem usually comes when we throw that weight onto someone or something that never deserved to carry it in the first place. Realizing who you are, what you like and don’t like, what you will and won’t tolerate are all steps toward ‘loving yourself first.’  People go through stages in life as part of growth. But for some reason the lesson of ‘loving yourself first’ gets lost in translation. This can easily create a cycle of failing relationships.

Life and Love is just like education. One experience builds on another one and through experiences you develop as a person. Just as in education, as you learn the necessary information in one grade you continue to be promoted to the next grade building on the foundation that was started in kindergarten. Now, if you don’t learn the lessons being taught then you don’t progress. Such is life, if you miss the lesson you don’t grow.

Setting a foundation is important, and ‘loving yourself first’ is a firm ground to build from, in life and love. A lot of relationships fail because the individuals involved don’t have a solid foundation. Before you can make two people work together you must first be complete separately. The statement that a relationship should be 50/50 is so ridiculous. Who prefers half of something as oppose to the whole. In any relationship, you should give 100% of you and require 100% of them. This creates 200% of knowledge, love, and growth. And we’ve all heard the saying, ‘two is better than one.’ Now, it holds a whole new meaning. Without ‘loving yourself first’ you can never completely give your mate all of you.

 So, how do I love myself?

Realizing: Becoming aware of who you are, is important. Taking the things, you have experienced in life and developing a sense of self will give you part of your foundation. Whether positive or negative, it all helped to mold the individual you are today.

Acceptance: When going through situations in life it can be hard to accept that it happened to you. Sometimes we try to shield our past from our future. This hinders growth and in turn prevents you from ever truly ‘loving yourself first’ It’s important to acknowledge and then go through the process of accepting to maintain control of who you are in the world.

Confidence: Exuding confidence will only come after you have accomplished 1 and 2. Being confident in who you are, is the last piece of the foundation needed to grow. When you are confident, ‘loving yourself first,’ is second nature.  The ability to express yourself without saying anything says a lot about the security you have in knowing that you ‘love yourself.’

These three steps will not be accomplished overnight and the process will be different for everyone. But the outcome of ‘loving yourself first’ will result in a better life and better relationships. So, stop right now trying to use multiple relationships to cover issues you need to deal with in life. Let’s work on you and then watch life and love start building from such a strong foundation of “Loving Yourself First.”

Nakeisha "Moca" McDaniel
+ posts

This column is designed to doing just what the title says...Living Out Loud. Moca will discuss and give advice about life and everything that comes along with it. She is an ordinary woman with extraordinary insight. I'm very opinionated and I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Now what you read you may not always agree with and that's fine. Agreeing to disagree is healthy dialogue. What I write is not gospel but it is MOCA, Living Out Loud!!! So, I hope you Laugh, Learn, and Live Out Loud through this column. Do you have a question or concern that you want to address to Moca? If so email her at mocasayz@yahoo.com All inquires will be anonymous.

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