Love does not abuse you. It does not hit you. When someone really loves you, they’ll want to protect you, but not to where they threaten your lively hood or take away your freedom.
You can usually spot an abuser pretty early on. Here are 8 actions that help in identifying of you’re with an abuser.
- Intensity. Excessive charm. Lying to cover up insecurity, needing to win over your friends and family immediately. OVER THE TOP gestures that seem too much too soon. BOMBARDING you with numerous tests and emails in a short time, behaving obsessively. Insisting that you ge serious IMMEDIATELY.
- Jealously. Responding IRRATIONALLY when you interact with other people, becoming ANGRY when you speak with the opposite sex, persistently ACCUSING you of flirting/cheating, resenting your time with friends and family or DEMANDING to know private details of your life.
- Control. TELLING you how to wear your hair, when to speak or what to think, showing up UNINVITED at your home/school/job, CHECKING your cell phone, emails, Facebook, going through your belongings, following you, sexually coercing you or making you FEEL BAD about yourself.
- Isolation. INSISTING you only spend time with him or her, making you emotionally or psychologically DEPENDENT, preventing you from seeing your family or friends, or from going to school or work.
- Criticism. Calling you overweight, UGLY, STUPID, or crazy, ridiculing your beliefs, ambitions or friends, telling you he or she is the only one who really cares about you, BRAINWASHING you to feel worthless.
- Sabotage. Making you MISS work, school, an interview, test or competition by starting a fight, having a MELTDOWN or getting sick, breaking up with you or HIDING your keys, wallet, text books or phone, STEALING your belongings.
- Blame. Making you feel GULITY and responsible for his or her behavior, blaming the world or you for his or her PROBLEMS, emotional manipulation, always saying, “This is your FAULT.”
- Anger. OVERREACTING to small problems, frequently losing control, violent OUTBURSTS, having severe mood swings, drinking or partying excessively when upset, making THREATS, picking FIGHTS, having a history of violent behavior and making you feel AFRAID.
If your partner threatens or physically abuses you, which includes pushing or shoving, there is no justification and it will only get worse. Tell your family and call the national domestic abuse hotline immediately for help at 1-800-799-7233.