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I Love You—but I Need Some Space

When we are with someone for a long period of time, at least a year (sorry to those 6 month daters, but this does not apply to you but please take heed as your relationship progresses), we get very comfortable with our mate and we want to spend every living second with them, if possible, and society makes it seem as if we need to do so. However, society is wrong, they’ll always be wrong, and we just should not take heed to what they say.

Spending time and bonding with our significant other is what we’re supposed to do, spend time and bond. But somewhere down the line we unconsciously get so wrapped into the materialistic form of relationship—which is having to go out all the time to some event, the movies, or out too eat; and when we are booming in or launching our careers this causes us to spend more money that we probably do not and cannot afford to spend 24/7. This then causes us to become stressed out, so now one or the other in the relationship starts to have second thoughts that may sound similar to this…

“Man, I really love her/him, but right now I don’t think I can do this whole relationship thing, at least not right now. I know I’ve been together with her/him for awhile now and we like the perfect match, but I need to get my career in order and I need to do this….Man I don’t want to this, but I think I have too…”

Notice that I used the word think twice. When we get bombarded with the materialistic aspect of the relationship we can begin to loose touch of why we are in the relationship. We still love and are in love with this person, but we start to focus on how much is in our bank account and how much we’re spending constantly that is blocking us from accomplishing something that we need to do. This is when space is needed.

In addition to the money, there needs to be a serious talk and compromise on how the relationship can still exist, but with limitations. For example, how about only celebrating at the nice restaurant for special occasions (# year anniversary, job promotion, new career, etc) and those trips to the movies every time something new comes out can be replaced with a dinner and a movie night AT HOME or if you both really want to see a movie go to the drive-in and see two movies for the price of $14 for the both of you. Then there are other things to do that don;t cost a thing such as laying out on the beach, going to a museum, going on a hiking trip, and any other outdoor activity where the two of you are bonding and saving money at the same time.

Next, with space also requires limiting how much you may talk to each other. Say if you’re talking several times a day, every day and texting in between, you can start to suffocate each other. Let each other breathe and come up with a compromising communication schedule. Maybe one phone call a day, or one phone call every other day with a few texts in between.

So, in conclusion, you don’t have to see each other or talk to each other every day, or spend every nickle and dime that you have every time you see each other to show that you love one another. A relationship is about bonding and growing together. NOT spending money and going on fancy dates all the time. Stop watching those movies and getting a fantasy type of idea in your head. Hollywood is strictly for ENTERTAINMENT not advice.


  • Naomi K. Bonman

    Naomi K. Bonman is a graduate of Clark Atlanta University where she holds her Bachelors of Arts in Mass Media Arts with a concentration in Journalism. She also holds her Masters of Public Administration. She is the Founder and CEO of Awakened Media Enterprises, Inc. which owns Purposely Awakened. She has been in the media field since 2006 covering beats that range from social justice, community, entertainment, sports, fashion/beauty, and culture news.

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