Heal My Broken Heart

A broken heart is like a scar. Even after it heals it leaves a mark, and if you pick at it long enough, the wound will reopen and begin to bleed. The difference is that a broken heart feels as if it never stops bleeding. At times it feels like the heart will never heal.The first thing to understand is that the scar will always be there. It is an ever fixed mark. You cannot change your past. You cannot erase your pain.

What you can do is heal. You owe it to yourself to do so.I was hurt by someone I thought was the one for me. What hurt the most was that he was a friend. At times the pain was unbearable. So I became numb. I threw myself a pity party. I couldn’t believe how stupid I was. I blamed myself for everything. I have always had trouble forgiving myself for my mistakes, but I knew it was something that I needed to do to move on. I had to understand that I am human and I am not perfect.

As an adult, I felt as if I needed to take responsibility for everything. The process was realizing that I needed to take responsibility for my actions and my actions alone. Everything else was out of my control. After I picked myself back up I returned to where I didn’t realize I had left. I returned to God. I went to him with an open heart and an honest assessment of myself and my relationship. Initially, I was not trying to get over this individual. But the closer I got to God the further away I was from him.

When I let God lead me he led me away from him. I knew then that it was time to let go and when I did it felt like my world came crashing down. I had been on an emotional roller coaster for years, but I continued to hold on hoping that I would finally have what I wanted and what I thought I needed. So naturally when I was ready to let go I thought that I would be healed. That was only the beginning.

My eyes had been opened to every sacrifice and every moment I defended him taking advantage of me. I didn’t realize how damaged I was.I had to get it out. I had to talk it out, write it out and dance it out. I had to remove the waste. I had to be honest with myself and acknowledge the root of the problem; only then was I truly able to heal. This isn’t easy. The journey to recovery has been long and hard. A song, a memory or an unexpected phone call can bring up so many tears. I have to take it day by day. With God, honesty and taking back myself worth, I am able to heal. I may have a scar on my heart but I don’t have to pick at it. It has become a story to tell. A story of healing

Tamara Jackson
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Tamara Jackson was born in Houston, TX and raised in Buffalo, NY. At an early age, she realized her love for words. She began writing poetry which evolved into songs, then skits, then plays, then screenplays. Currently, Tamara is a graduate student at Savannah College of Art and Design where she is working towards her MFA in performing arts. She is writing her first book. (Update: She graduated from SCAD in 2012).

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