Some are single because they choose to be, but then you have others who date and may have come across someone great. The chemistry is there, they are twin flames and they have the same values, but he or she is just messed up, so the person bounces only to be in misery and never finding that “perfection” that they are looking for.

This is where many default in the dating world. For one, you need that foundation of a solid friendship. You guys need to be friends with each other because this allows you to be comfortable with one another. This creates and builds trust.

When you are friends, it is easier to grow. The person that you are dating HAS to be your friend. Now let me define the friend thing because so many people get it wrong.

This doesn’t mean that you have to date the guy that you’ve been friends with for over 15 years or lived next door to as kids. This just simply means that when you meet someone and guys start talking and then start dating, what kind of basis are you establishing?

Have you ever been on date with someone and you just click? Like you can talk to this person about ANYTHING without judgement? This is what I’m talking about when I say establishing that TRUE friendship.

That friendship with each other helps you accept each other’s flaws and allows you to work on each other in certain areas. For example, he may not be the commitment type (or so he thinks) because he had a not so favorable relationship experience in the past.

So, before you came along he would just date. She may be really impatient but now that he has came along, now she is learning to be more patient and learning how to make this guy feel more comfortable.

Everything is a process. One thing that I want to leave you guys with is to stop looking at everyone else’s relationship. Turn off social media if you have to. If you need for business purposes, then only log onto your business account and unfollow every couple on their that is not related to your business.

You can’t base your journey on someone else’s because God knows what you need and He knows WHO you need. No one has the PERFECT relationship. These couples hat post on Instagram and Facebook 24/7, guess what? Over 99% of them probably had a big fight right before they posted. So, they’re not perfect either. They too had to grow together in whatever they might have struggled with.

If you have a great man or woman that you are dating, please just be patient with each other. And if you guys are on your second go-around, you guys restarted things for a reason! Grow together. Work together. And know what works for you two.

Naomi K. Bonman

Naomi K. Bonman is the founder and editorial director of Purposely Awakened, a digital media agency for millennial activist and change agents of color. A digital media maven at heart, Naomi is also a journalist, screenwriter and digital content creator. Originally from Southern California, Naomi received her B.A. in Mass Media Arts with a concentration in Journalism from Clark Atlanta University and her Masters of Public Administration from Keller School of Management of DeVry University.

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