Debating Him

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Moca,

Girl, I have had it!!! I’m so sick of these dudes, I don’t know what to do. I feel like the saying is true, ‘you can’t live with them and you can’t live without them.’ I just really want to find a comfortable place in a relationship that will lead to growth between both he and I. The new guy in my life pursued me for several months before I gave him my number. When we finally started talking he was a complete sweetheart. He was totally interested; he was full of compliments about how beautiful I was, and a gentleman in every sense of the word. The problem is he has this thing with flirting and I think he takes it too far. It’s putting a strain on the growth of the relationship and I’m not sure what to do. Should I take the time to work through this or just let it go?

Debating Him, (Miami, FL)

First and foremost honey, he will only do what you allow him to do. That’s not to say that you can tell a man what to do but it is to say that if you accept his behavior now don’t expect him to change it just because you finally got tired of it. I think that’s where the initial break in the chain forms. A lot of people get caught up in the courtship and allow ‘little’ things to go unnoticed and then it becomes ‘big’ things that can possibly hinder the relationship. It will help, if you know

YOU before you get to know him.

The fact that you took the time to send an email about your situation leads me to believe you already made up your mind to give this relationship a shot. If that’s the case then I strongly suggest you have a conversation with him about how his flirting makes you feel.  Keep in mind that this can go either way. Being open and honest in the beginning of a relationship can actually be too much for some to handle. They tend to think you are moving too fast. So, be mindful of your approach.

Flirting usually doesn’t become an issue until it turns into disrespect. The discussion needs to focus on what you feel is disrespectful. Some guys have this thing about ‘seeing if they still got it’ and that usually leads them down a road of trouble and a whole different topic, that I will save for another time. Basically you both need to have an understanding about how much ‘flirting’ you will accept if any at all. When harmless flirting turns into ‘doing the most’ with the exchange of numbers or not paying you any attention then there is obviously a problem. Know your worth and accept nothing less.

The fact that he pursued you for months shows his interest. He may only do all the flirting just to see your reaction. Let him know how you feel and if you both can handle it then I say take the risk, girl. You only have one life to live and what better way to do it than LIVING OUT LOUD!!!

Nakeisha "Moca" McDaniel
+ posts

This column is designed to doing just what the title says...Living Out Loud. Moca will discuss and give advice about life and everything that comes along with it. She is an ordinary woman with extraordinary insight. I'm very opinionated and I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Now what you read you may not always agree with and that's fine. Agreeing to disagree is healthy dialogue. What I write is not gospel but it is MOCA, Living Out Loud!!! So, I hope you Laugh, Learn, and Live Out Loud through this column. Do you have a question or concern that you want to address to Moca? If so email her at mocasayz@yahoo.com All inquires will be anonymous.

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