Loneliness and being in love with love can force us into making bad judgment calls when it comes to dating and beginning new relationships. The Netflix series Dirty John (based on real events) and Tyler Perry’s’ fictional movie, A Fall from Grace, was like watching a relationship horror story; causing me to pause, reflect, and appreciate my singleness.

Blindly following your heart has the potential of leading you directly into disaster. Getting caught up in feelings and intimate moments can cause you to miss the opportunities to get to know your potential partner beyond the surface. Perhaps, instead of focusing on things you have in common, look for red flags and deal breakers, things you cannot afford to compromise on, like Integrity, faith, morals, seeds of unhealthy jealousy, anger issues, obsessiveness stalker type behavior, or having a controlling attitude. Be sure to ask the right questions and listen intently to the responses. Take note of patterns of behavior without being distracted by charm.

Unfortunately, you can be the most intelligent and perceptive person on the planet and still find yourself starring in your own relationship nightmare. Some people are masters at pretending to be everything you want and need them to be. Charm and chemistry is fleeting and misleading, often used to disarm your guards, break down defenses, and interrupt critical thinking.

Portraying a lie is easier than telling the truth. For many schemers and manipulators, fabricating the fantasy and fairytale is an enjoyable game. It’s all a part of the allure and deception.

Sex seals the deal as they go in for the kill of any and all resistance, creating a soul tie that can bind you to emotions and feelings, leaving you stuck there, under their control and abandoning all rational thinking. Allowing close friends and family to meet them and see the two of you together is imperative and something people often take for granted, not realizing your friends and family’s judgment is only clouded by their love for you. They are not looking through rose colored glasses, making them harder to manipulate.

Lastly, criminals and creeps target people on online dating sites. It’s a jungle of all kinds out there. If you’re still in doubt, consider a background check. Violence, restraining orders, marriages, and more may be public history or can be found out.

It’s up to us to date smart, protect ourselves, ask the right questions, and be aware of the wrong answers, behaviors, and responses. Let us remember,

“Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous; it does not brag and it is not proud. Love is not rude, it is not selfish, and it cannot be made angry easily. Love does not remember wrongs done against it. Love is never happy when others do wrong, but it is always happy with the truth.

1 Cor 13:4-6 (ESV)

Christy Angelette

Christy Angelette is part of the Generation X generation. She is a mother of three amazing sons and is a southern Queen born and raised in Jackson, Mississippi. She is an advocate for mental health and destigmatizing mental illness. She also has a published book entitled, “Unbalanced”, a fact and fictional book on matters of mental health, abuse, toxic relationships and healing. It is available via Amazon, Google, iTunes and Barnes and Nobel.

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