Cheaters Aftermath

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My high school sweetheart cheated on me. We were together for 7 years, all through high school and most of college. Now, its 10 years later and it seems that my current relationships are suffering because of that experience. I can’t get over it, I mean I forgave him, moved on, but I’m always trying to be one step ahead of my mate to make sure he doesn’t cheat on me. So, when I suspect he is I go completely off and end the relationship. I don’t know how to separate one man cheating from all men cheating. Is it possible? How do I do it?

 Cheaters Aftermath, (Birmingham, AL)

Wow!! Let me first say that I don’t believe ALL men cheat and I don’t buy the line ‘it’s natural for men to cheat.’ Cheating is a choice that men/women make and the moment you give people a reason or excuse to do something they find justification in doing it with no regard to the consequences. Cheating is a learned behavior and NOT an instinct.  So, with that being said, it is possible to separate one man cheating from all men cheating.

I commend you for moving on and getting involved in other relationships. I know it can be hard to risk falling in love again after your heart has been broken. The first step you have conquered. Now, what you are doing inside the relationship is allowing him (your ex) to stop your heart from completely falling in love with someone else.  You are creating new relationships based of past relationships which is set to fail just as the past ones did.  When you meet new people, take them at face value with a completely clean slate. Allow yourself to fall in love with his flaws and all.

Past relationships are supposed to help you learn and grow not hinder. While it’s ok to be aware of the signs of cheating, it is not ok to assume that every man cheats. Look at the relationship with your high school sweetheart as a preparation for the one that GOD has for you. Your ‘forever’ relationship is out there but you can’t continue to hold new men responsible for past men behaviors. Don’t fool yourself into believing that you have moved on when you haven’t let go.

Take some time to evaluate YOU. Make sure YOU are ok with what happened between YOU and your high school sweetheart. Once YOU have come to terms with it, then step back into the dating game with NO baggage. It’s not mandatory to be in a relationship or to jump right back into one after ending one. Don’t feel pressured; take your time and LIVE OUT LOUD!!!!!!!!

Nakeisha "Moca" McDaniel
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This column is designed to doing just what the title says...Living Out Loud. Moca will discuss and give advice about life and everything that comes along with it. She is an ordinary woman with extraordinary insight. I'm very opinionated and I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Now what you read you may not always agree with and that's fine. Agreeing to disagree is healthy dialogue. What I write is not gospel but it is MOCA, Living Out Loud!!! So, I hope you Laugh, Learn, and Live Out Loud through this column. Do you have a question or concern that you want to address to Moca? If so email her at All inquires will be anonymous.

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