Moca,

Can a man and a woman truly be ‘just friends’? I mean REALLY?

Sincerely,

Cautious Friend, Cartersville GA

The simple answer is ‘YES’ two MATURE adults of the opposite sex can be ‘just friends.’  There are several variables that can cause a glitch in this dynamic, the first being the obvious, immaturity, but there is always the underline attraction and your initial intention.  These things play a factor in a successful friendship between a man and a woman.  The funny thing is while it’s very possible to be nothing more than friends, there are the sayings, ‘I married my best friend,’ or ‘You should be friends and then lovers.’ These sayings take a man and a woman friendship to a completely different level.

Let’s assume we are dealing with two mature adults that met in a casual setting where they both were being cordial and it led to some great times together, full of laughter and good conversations. In my experience this can easily lead to a wonderful lifelong platonic friendship between a man and a woman. Your mental usually only recalls how much fun you guys have together, how easy it is to talk to them, and how much you love them for just loving you.  This same scenario can have a completely different outcome if either person was physically attracted to the other. Regardless of how many times you say we’re ‘just friends’ there is always that underlining attraction that if acted upon can be the end of a friendship or lead you both to the saying, ‘I married my best friend.’ If you meet someone of the opposite sex and you both are attracted to each other, the intent is to get to know each other enough to start a lasting relationship. In this instance, the saying, ‘You should be friends then lovers,’ makes complete sense and can be the basis of a wonderful relationship.

The initial intent is just as important as the maturity level of both parties involved. So many times men and women show superficial intentions when meeting each other that problems arise when their true intentions and feelings surface. Don’t be afraid to voice how you feel and what you want from the relationship. Clearly stating your intent will eliminate a lot of heartache, confusion, and just out right mess down the line. Life is too short to do anything less than LIVING OUT LOUD!!!!!!!

Moca

If you would like to email in your question to MOCA, please email her at mocasayz@yahoo.com. And yes all questions are anonymous.