Almost Ready for Love


My last relationship was almost a year ago. We were together a little over 2 years. The breakup was dramatic and a lot of unknowns were brought to light as we ended the relationship. Now, part of me is ready to start dating but part of me is still feeling some kind of way about my ex. My question is how much time should you have between relationships? At what point should you be completely over your ex or is that even possible?

Almost Ready for Love

Louisville, KY

Let me start by saying there is no definite time frame for either of your questions. No doctor will tell you take about 3 weeks and a good night’s rest and you will be ready to move on. No one who has every been in a relationship where they genuinely loved their mate will tell you after one good cry move on with your life. It’s just not that simple. What I will tell you, is don’t rush the process because you don’t want to miss the lesson. We have all been through the stages of a breakup and it’s part of what molds you into the person that God designs you to be for your FOREVER mate.

The process is sometimes longer after a bad breakup because there’s the anger factor that you have to get over before moving on to the pity party, I can’t believe this happened to me. Then it’s the denial phase, this didn’t happen to me, we are meant to be together, all my friends say so, I’m going to try and make it work. Next, you realize that their is more than one thing that keeps pulling you two apart and it’s really not going to work. Finally you acknowledge your part in the failed relationship and this opens the door for healing, getting to know you, understanding the lesson you were suppose to learn in that relationship and lastly to move on.

When there is a mutual separation then you are more likely to start at the denial stage. I know it sounds crazy because both parties decided that it wasn’t going to work. The problem is they usually still want to be friends and that can’t happen immediately because each person still has to go through the process. So, what happens is you think because you both are faking the friendship that if you both can be this way all the time then you can make the relationship work….NO. Please complete the process and stop the cycle. Open your eyes to the reality that there was a reason both of you decided to separate in the first place. Then determine your role in that decision. Prepare yourself for who God has for you.

This is not an easy process but it leads to individual closure. Once you have gone through these natural steps then I don’t believe you will question when you are ready to move on and date other people. A lot of people fear being lonely so they rush into relationships or they stay in relationships that are not healthy. One of the BEST relationships you can have is with YOURSELF!!!! Knowing YOU and loving YOU, flaws and all, will lead way to YOU being comfortable with YOU and realizing exactly what YOU want and are willing to give in a relationship. I know a year seems like a long time to get over an ex but it’s more than getting over someone, it’s getting to know YOU and there can’t be a time limit on that. I was single for almost 8 years going through the process but I wouldn’t change a moment of MY journey. Life is not worth it unless you are LIVING OUT LOUD!!!!!



  • This column is designed to doing just what the title says...Living Out Loud. Moca will discuss and give advice about life and everything that comes along with it. She is an ordinary woman with extraordinary insight. I'm very opinionated and I don't hesitate to speak my mind. Now what you read you may not always agree with and that's fine. Agreeing to disagree is healthy dialogue. What I write is not gospel but it is MOCA, Living Out Loud!!! So, I hope you Laugh, Learn, and Live Out Loud through this column. Do you have a question or concern that you want to address to Moca? If so email her at All inquires will be anonymous.

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